Tsheggy: Horny, Lonely and Happy Rantings

22:24 on May the 1st. It’s been a month since I got dumped. I’m lying in bed, drunk and typing this. I really don’t know how to feel. So after LSG (the guy you all know), I tried hooking up with a 21 year old who said to me “I feel like we, well I rushed into this and lead you on :(“. So my cougar fantasy’s gone. In a flash. I’m so drunk and I’m so mad. At myself and at all these men I meet. I mean I was supposed to have a date today. The dude Whatsapp’s me this morning telling me about his laundry. Really? Am I that repulsive that you’d rather do laundry than come see ur potential mate????

It must be said that at 23, I haven’t got my shit figured out. Not only am I crushing on a major jerk (that’s what my friend Mmeyi said about some guy we both know), but I’m also crushing on a Lutheran (I’m assuming) cardinal. Who does that??? Am I not atheist though? I mean my experience with that short mormon (almost typed ‘moron’. Drinks hey. Hehehe) should’ve taught me to stay away from christian men. They’re the worst. Christians universally are the worst. Speaking of which, I saw a bunch of them shoving their Bibles down people’s throats today in Hatfield. I wish one of them had come up to me. I’d probably be in jail now for assault with intent to kill.

So, all my friends are in stable relationships (except my haggy, Fiefie) and though I’m terribly happy for them, it saddens me. I don’t like being the single friend. I don’t like being single, period. Look, as much as I’ve been told I need to stay alone for a century or two, I just can’t. It’s a combination of loving being on my knees and loving the attention a partner bestows upon me. I mean why can’t I land a semi-good guy? I have ex’s telling me that I’m “the one that got away” but like recently, I haven’t met men who love me to the point of obsession (hey Kagi!) and it worries me. Am I starting to look my age? Are the drinks taking their toll on me? What is it? I mean I know I can still hold down a conversation and I can impress with my oral skills (pun totally intended). What am I missing? I know I’m not shrinking back down to size 26 to grab a man. Those men are usually very ghetto and have small penises.

Anyway, let me play Take That’s “Rule The World”, imagine my wedding day (or the day I’m being cremated) and fall asleep. It’s been a good week for me. I’m semi-happy. Lonely and horny, but happy.

Good night.