Anybody who knows me will tell you that music is a huge part of my life. Take everything away from me, but don’t you dare take away my music. I remember once asking some thug who was robbing me to at least give me my memory card. Needless to say, he didn’t. My relationship with music started so long ago that it’s impossible to say when I realised how much I love it. I think I must’ve been one of those foetuses that respond to music in the womb. I think I realised this in 2013 when I heard a hip hop song sampling Crosby, Stills and Nash’s ‘Suite Judy Blue Eyes’. I remembered SJBE from somewhere in my childhood. I have vague memories of hearing it while driving around with my dad.
My love of music increases when I’m getting fucked. I’ve even created playlists for the deed. Even in the most spontaneous instances of coitus, I’ll reach for my phone and find something uhm, appropriate, to play.
Music makes sex better. And I mean that. When I think back on my past sexual episodes, it’s more the music than the thrusts that excite. I had one former partner who once insisted we screw senseless while Kelis’ ‘Acapella’ was on repeat. I get a boner whenever I hear that song now.
Done right, music can make sex so much better. Of course, because this is my life, it could backfire badly. There’s nothing as embarrassing as a slow Celine Dion love song coming on when you’re doing the reverse cow(girl)boy on a man you’re never going to see again or a Rihanna song coming on when a hardened (pun totally intended) Beyhive member is on top of you.
I always compile three great “I’m getting screwed” playlists. They fall in the following categories: Random Meaningless Fuck, Spontaneous Unexpected But Nonetheless Meaningless Fuck and Fucking With The Partner.
The first playlist is most likely to be filled with club bangers because you would’ve met this guy at the club or online. So yes, Kuze Kuse will likely be playing when he tenses up and cums all over your face.
The second is probably full of Frank Ocean songs and a sprinkling of Rihanna for when you need to ride. Also, Roxette is good for this playlist because he’ll stop thrusting for while when he realises that you have ‘Joy Ride’ on your phone.
And the third (and most important playlist in my books) is reserved for Lana Del Rey, Florence and The Machine, Robert Glasper (except ‘Jesus Children’. I might be an atheist but even I get turned off by mentions of deities during coitus), Lia Ices and maybe, if you’re feeling adventurous, Kelis.
Look, some people like to be screwed in total silence with only the moans and creaking of the bed (totes erotic) in the background. Others play loud music, probably to drown out the noise of the screamer (I should know). I just prefer music, not too soft, not too loud, just right.
Also, people differ. These preferences are just mine.
The next time I see the bae, I’ll be armed with a playlist.