I’ve been on a social media break for the last two or so weeks. This was brought on by recent heartbreak and solidified by the recent death of my dog.
But during this period, I realised something I think I’ve always known: I treat people who care about me like shit when I go through these episodes. Then I end up feeling like a dick and suicidal. I feel like they’d be better off with one less asshole (pun not intended) in the world.
Take Doris. She and I have been friends since primary school. I’m turning 28 in a few days. She wants to bake a cake for me. What do I do? I treat her like a nuisance. Or my other friend Refilwe. I can see she’s trying so hard to be supportive and understanding. What do I do? I put a barrier between or relationship.
It’s like this with everyone. I guess subconsciously, I’m trying to prepare them for life without me. Or I’m just really a dick.